INTINDIHIN NYO NA LANG
I am my worst enemy. I pity myself. I’m proud of myself. I hate myself. I love myself.
I am currently in a trance of my own world –a world that does not always get accepted. I live by my own rules and even standards. I am associated with so many people or groups but I often find myself alienated and peculiar. I am different and starting to become indifferent. I don’t seem to get along with so many people. Maybe I’m just so apathetic. Or maybe I’m just too preoccupied to listen.
My reactions to things vary so greatly. I become so hard to read and understand. I feel that people find it hard to get along with me I personally think that I’m hard to get along with. I say I’m simple but on second thought I’m not. I’m a combination of different complexities a human organism could acquire. I don’t know how many people I have gotten along with well enough. Or maybe I just haven’t found the right people yet.
I’m in scrutiny of myself trying to find out who I really am. I do love myself but I sometimes hate myself. I care too much about the things I do but caring too much does not do me good. I sometimes lose the lines drawn. I love thinking about anything under the sun, matters that affect me, things that surround me. In spite of this; I still result to making impulsive decisions. I fail. Or maybe I’m just trying too hard.
I come to a conclusion that I expect too much from myself. The standards that I have and made are the ones tiring and exhausting me out. But I am used to pushing myself. Or maybe I just push myself the wrong way.
I always look forward for tomorrow for I know I can’t change the past but I can really make today and tomorrow better. But oftentimes I find that the tomorrow I have looked forward to do not end up the way I have wished for it to be. And so I look forward for tomorrow yet again. On second thought, what if tomorrow will just be like yesterday’s tomorrow. Or maybe I can manage to work out to tomorrow.
Everything seems to be so vague right now. I don’t know myself right now. I don’t know myself and I’m not so sure of anything. I don’t know where to put myself and whom should I love and trust. But I know there’ll be better days. But this time my optimistic mind wouldn’t be fickle. I know things will be alright….
